Do you love your children? ❤
Is that a silly question?
Maybe yes, yet a very pertinent silly question, I’d say.
Tell me, when you love someone/something, what do you do?
For example, if you love badminton, or books, or shopping or movies or parties,what do you do?
Yes… You spend more and more quality time with them.
So, how much Quality Time do you spend with your child?
And what do you do during that time?
If there is ONE THING a parent should work on, before anything else, it is - strengthening your bond & connection with your children, spending quality time with them. Because without this one thing, all your other efforts won’t prove as effective as they should.
And that might well be your experience till now. You may ask: “How do I spend quality time with my teenage children? We don’t have much in common now.”
I would say:

• Keep it simple
• Share your life with them.
• Talk; listen - without fixed judgments or premonitions.
• Give your children the freedom to say what they want to say, even if you disagree.
• Offer support and guidance while respecting their growing independence.
• Stay updated; don't look down on new trends, accept the differences.
• Stay fit - If you want the respect of young children, it helps to be fit, sharp & humorous.

And while still being a parent, strive to become their friend too. Who is a friend?
Someone who thinks at your level, understands your feelings, your difficulties, sees the world through your eyes, can talk to you openly without hesitation, is always ready to help without making you feel small, and doesn’t judge you all the time.
So, if you become their friend, your children will start to open up to you, the differences between you will decrease.
And when the differences decrease, better communication will start.
And when communication starts, solutions happen.

As I said, keep it simple. Remember, quality time isn’t just about when you are directly interacting with your teen. The moments in between those direct interactions, your body language throughout the day, the tone of your voice, especially when they have made some mistakes, all these and hundreds such small things all play a crucial role.

And if you are afraid that becoming friends with them may result in loss of your authority over them, yes, this concern is valid and you need to learn how to balance.

But but but, first thing first…..
Please understand very clearly that you can have real respect & authority over your children only when you spend sufficient quality time with them, only when there is a deep connection between you.

Love = Quality time
Quality time = Authority
Authority = Discipline

Please mark these words - Adolescents need a trusted adult in their life for connectedness & prevention of risk taking behavior and resisting a lot of other negative influences & temptations in their life.

If they receive enough love and support from their parents, the influence of these negative environmental factors are greatly reduced.
However, if they fail to get this support from their parents, the same temptations become powerful enough to influence your child.
As a parent, your aim has to be to strike a balance between maintaining a strong connection and at the same time, preserving the respect needed to guide them effectively. This is a must learn skill for any parent.

Today as homework, I ask of two things from you, the reader parent:

1. Reflect on the thought patterns and feelings deep inside of you about your teenage son or daughter. Become aware of all the pride or dissatisfaction you harbor for them.
2. Create two lists: one for the things that make you proud of them and another for the grievances & complaints you might be harboring towards them.

This self-awareness will help you approach them with more understanding and empathy.
That’s it for today.
I hope the discussion today will prove helpful for you to strengthen your
relationship with your teenage son or daughter.
There is so much more.
We will keep in touch.
Best wishes always
Dr B B Agrawal MD (Pediatric)
Pediatrician, Parent’s Guide & an adolescent counselor